I spent the past weekend with her, with the intention of helping her, but she didn’t really need much assistance. While I was there, she had visits from a few more of my positive role models. Her sister, who is 84, visited one evening. And her brother, 83, and his wife visited the next. None of these family members have slowed down considerably, even in their advanced age. My aunt had just come from golfing and dinner with friends and my aunt and uncle had just had dinner out after attending church. That is not to say they are not feeling the effects of their age. All had undergone surgeries and health scares. Some had more pain than they used to. But they laughed and shared stories with one another, and whether they knew it or not, they were passing on some life lessons as they talked. Here are a few life lessons I learned:
Living Isn’t Worth it If You’re Just Sitting in A ChairThe older you get, the more risky it is to do things. But this point came up numerous times. If you don’t do anything, you may be safe, but you won’t really be living. No matter your age, take a chance and live your life. Do the things you want to do while you can.
Times Change and You Can Change with ThemMy mom has an Ipad, an Ipod, a laptop, and a cell phone. Sometimes she gets confused and needs help, but she uses her technology every day to stay in touch with her family, friends, and the world. My relatives thought it was funny that we were growing horns because we use too much technology, but they want to be a part of it all the same. A person sees incredible change during a lifetime; learn to roll with the changes.
Take Help When You Need ItBetween the three of them, my mom and her two siblings have 17 kids and many more grandchildren. When my mom broke her femur she was worried because she wouldn’t be able to cut her grass while she was in the hospital. (Yes, up until a few weeks ago she still mowed her own lawn). But of course she didn’t have to worry. She has enough kids and grandchildren to mow her lawn for the rest of her life.
While I was home I divided up her medications into a pill organizer so she wouldn’t have to worry about getting them confused. She learned my cousin did the same thing for my aunt and uncle. It isn’t weakness to let others help you, it just lets you focus on other things.
Learn From Your PeersIn addition to hearing from my aunt and uncle about the things my cousin does to help them, my mom learned about a medication my aunt takes that could possibly be good for her. My mom also heard how my aunt now has a restricted driving license due to an eye ailment, a process that may come in handy for her later. As a daughter this back and forth was especially important to hear because I sometimes feel as if I need to tell my mom everything. But just as it is with me, I will often take things better from my peers. Often the same things I might tell my mom, will be better understood and heard from those who are in the same position as her.
Do What’s Right for YouWhich leads me to my final point. Whatever my mom does needs to be right for her. If she decides to make changes to her living situation as a result of her recent fall, it has to be her choice. As her children we want her to be safe, but ultimately this is her life. She has eight children telling her what to do and she will take our guidance, information from other sources such as her doctors, but ultimately this is her life. We all want to be in control of our situation whether we are young or old. We have to remember to keep ourselves in the center and do what we feel is right and best for us.
Cleaning Out the CupboardsBefore I left, I cleaned out my mom’s spice cabinet. Some of the spices had been there since before I was born. As I pulled them out and showed each to my mom asking her if she wanted to keep them or throw them away, she thought about each, letting me know if she used them or not. I tried to tell her we could always buy new ones, but she kept some of the oldest, saying she still used them. I didn’t think they had much flavor left, but that wasn’t my decision to make, so I put them back on the shelf. On the way home, I heard the song “Old Before Your Time” by Ray LaMontagne. It reminded me of the lessons we all must learn about living and getting old, I especially liked this line:
“It’s not livin’ that you’re doin’ if it feels like dyin'” Ray LaMontagne, Old Before Your Time